The Gift You Must Give Yourself!

The Gift You Must Give Yourself! 

'Tis the Season to give, love, count our blessings, wish, and dream of Peace. 

It is also a time for assessing the year, perhaps you had to account for your work contributions in an annual performance review. 

Maybe you have been reflecting on everything you accomplished, or meant to - oops! 

I want you to give yourself the gift of letting go. 

It's the perfect time to reflect on what is working for you in life and in relationships. 

Who is adding joy and love, and who is draining you?

What is adding value to your life and what needs to go.

Time for the gift you must give yourself: Let it go! (Sorry parents, I know this song will be stuck in your head!)

Not sure where to start? Feeling overwhelmed or exhausted? I got you!

Step One: Write down a list of everything you cannot control (this includes people and their perceptions/opinions). 

Let go of other people's expectations, of unrealistic expectations, and of the need to people-please in general. 

***You cannot please a narcissist, so don't even try unless you want a lifetime of pain, but if your partner, parent, or loved one is a narcissist, here are tips for loving them, while protecting yourself. 

Tips for dealing with a narcissist from a Biblical perspective here and showing them love with boundaries. If you are brave enough, there is a test you can take to determine if you have these traits (we all have some selfish tendency, so this is not to shame).

Add to that list your need for perfection, your attempts to control outcomes, and all the futile effort you spend trying to manage how others think, feel, or even perceive you. 

In other words...

Let go of the lie that your well-being, mental health, and happiness are in anyone else's control but your own. While it may be tempting to do, it ultimately takes away your own power. 
However, it is within your power to ask for support, seek help as needed (medical, spiritual, psychological), set personal boundaries, and surround yourself with positive people as part of your self-care.

Just be careful to avoid dumping all of your expectations on others, or letting someone dump all of their own expectations on yourself. 

The Holidays can be a joyous time, and it brings out the best in some. It may also reveal the worst. 

Santa has a list of who is naughty and nice, you probably have one of your own, but this next list is even more important than either of those.

Step Two: Make a list of what and who you value.

Read the list of values you just made and ask yourself the following 2 questions:

  1. Does your own behavior reflect your claimed values? 
  2. Would others who actually know you agree?

If not, then you might be the problem. Ouch! I know, but it comes with good news. 

You are also the solution.

Hold yourself accountable for living out the values you claim to have, and walk the talk. 

You cannot claim something you do not believe and prove by your own consistent actions, and you certainly can't expect to fool others if your behavior contradicts your claims. 

It's not about being perfect. It is about being genuine. 

Step Three: Clear out What is Yucky and Make Space for What is Good!

I love this step, but that doesn't mean it is always easy. Like a closet or home declutter, it can be difficult to let go of things we have been attached to or invested in, but if we are honest, we know it is time to let them go! This can be difficult to do without faith, because it creates an empty space, and we have to sit with our feelings in that space. It is tempting to fill the empty space at once with new treasures and gadgets that promise to improve our lives and selves. I encourage you to clear out the junk both in your home and life with faith. Faith that God is working on you, and preparing you to do good and receive good, according to His own perfect will. Keep that space open for real growth, real blessings, real joy.

It is the season of generous giving, and a true joy to bless others and show them love and appreciation through various gifts and gifts of service.

Consider the "love language" and needs of the receiver of your giving. 

What if you are not receiving good from someone but evil? Don't repay evil for evil, but let God work on the hearts of those who persecute you.

***If you have a narcissist in your life this Christmas, you really need to give yourself the gift of letting that toxicity go.

The New Year is around the corner, and it is an opportunity to let go of what is clearly not good to make space for cultivating what truly is good (see list of 9 below). 

What is good cannot be bought or faked, but results from choosing to live by the Spirit of truth and light and love.

  1. Love
  2. Joy
  3. Peace
  4. Patience
  5. Kindness
  6. Goodness
  7. Faithfulness
  8. Gentleness
  9. Self-Control

đź’—Wishing you Amazing Love & Awesome Style this Holiday Season & New Year!

P.S. Clicking the links in my articles takes you for a deeper dive and provides resources!

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